BLACK BOOK OF CORPORATE BUZZWORDS™

Executive Storytime

• Synergy – Combining two mediocre things, hoping greatness appears.

• Value Proposition – A polite plea for money.

• Strategic Alignment – A meeting where everyone nods while thinking different things.

• Vision Statement – A poem written far from end users.

• Thought Leadership – Loud opinions on LinkedIn.

Workplace & Culture Buzzwords

• Culture Transformation – Changing posters, not behavior.

• Employee Engagement – Asking for feedback, ignoring it.

• Hybrid Work – The logistical circus.

• Collaboration Suite – Where files vanish.

Transformation Fairy Tales

• Organizational Change Management – Forcing people to love systems they hate.

• Replatforming – Burning it all down and calling it progress.

• Modernization – New software, same dysfunction.

• Cloud Migration – Moving problems to someone else's computer.

• Hyperautomation – Automating tasks no one wanted automated.

Roadmaps, Frameworks & PowerPoint Fantasy

• Roadmap – A beautiful lie in timeline form.

• Blueprint – A diagram of a future that won't exist.

• Playbook – Instructions nobody reads.

• Operating Rhythm – Recurring meetings with pride.

Vendor & Consulting Nonsense

• Best Practice – What everyone was doing five years ago.

• Center of Excellence – A team that reminds others they're wrong.

• Framework – A diagram used to justify a retainer.

• Maturity Model – A ladder with no top rung.

• Customer Success – The subscription retention squad.

Operating Model Mythology

• Operating Model – A drawing of how the company wishes it behaved.

• Digital Operating Model – Same wish, added gradients.

• Service Catalog – Promises IT hopes to keep.

• RACI – A chart proving no one is responsible.

• Operating Rhythm – Meetings disguised as culture.

Measurement & Governance Tragedies

• KPIs – Numbers chosen because they look impressive.

• OKRs – Promises remembered at end of quarter.

• Dashboard – Colorful illusions of insight.

• Governance – Meetings about meetings.

Digital Delusions

• Digital Transformation – The corporate version of a midlife crisis.

• Digital Transformation 2.0 – Because the first attempt was just a rebrand.

• Digital Ecosystem – Your tools… all ignoring each other in real time.

• Digital Workplace – Slack, Teams, and 17 ways to miss a message.

• Digital First – Except email. Always second.

AI Worship & Machine Guessing

• AI – Management’s belief in wizardry.

• GenAI – 10,000 words of polished confusion.

• Machine Learning – Computers learning from mistakes to make new ones.

• AI-Driven – Sticker that increases valuation.

• Prompt Engineering – Typing politely into the magic box.

• Autonomous Everything – Works flawlessly until you stop watching it.

Process Theater

• Agile – Waterfall with a haircut.

• Scrum – Daily guilt circle.

• Kanban – Sticky notes pretending to be progress.

• Lean – Do more with less until morale vaporizes.

• Six Sigma – Beautiful charts solving nothing.

Security Panic Glossary

• Zero Trust – You are the threat.

• Cybersecurity Posture – Your stance while waiting for breach reports.

• Pen Test – Hackers you pay.

• Threat Modeling – Imagining disasters until new ones occur.

• Security Awareness Training – Proof humans click anything.